So this is rather a personal post today, usually I would post my Friday Fit Day, but due to our scales being out of batteries and me knowing full well I have not lost a single thing this week, I decided against it.
As most of you will already know, I went to a job interview on Monday and although I felt it went incredibly well, I'm now feeling my anxiety playing hell with the thoughts of 'what if I actually get this job?' The interview itself was a huge challenge for me. Sunday evening was a roller-coaster of emotions and I very nearly sacked it in there and then, but I pushed myself and got myself through it, which if I'm entirely honest, I wouldn't have been able to do two months ago. The panic attacks would have made my mind up for me, but this week I managed to control them. Unfortunately, since Wednesday I've been feeling like I've back tracked to two months ago. I am proud of myself for getting through the interview, but now I'm stressing about the actual doing the job bit, and I don't even know if I've got it yet. I know it sounds awful and I feel sick saying it, but my mind just tells me that I don't even want to work. The pressure that I feel to do well in everything is too much, and although Liam says he really wouldn't mind if I felt more comfortable not working for a little while longer, I know we struggle a lot for money and could really do with the added income.
As the title of this posts suggests, I really do have good days and bad days, Monday I was on cloud nine, happy and feeling like my life was finally getting past my panic attacks and depression, yesterday though, I woke up at nine and lay in bed all day! Literally like a little hermit with no energy and no motivation, I just lay there watching old pretty little liars episodes and avoiding phone calls and text messages as much as I could.
I really want to get past this, so as hard as it is, I'm going to keep fighting it. This may mean a few changes in the way I blog, but I promise I would give up on it. Blogging is the one thing that takes me away from everything and I honestly wish I had started it sooner.
I know I've rambled a lot about a whole load of nothing in this post, but I really want to thank everyone who follows me, whether it be on here, twitter, youtube or facebook. I really appreciate every one of you guys and you make doing what I love so much easier. You also help cheer me up on those not so good days. So thank you so so much! Also if any of you ever want to shoot me an email or tweet, please do so, even if it's just to say hi. It's those little smiles that make days better. :)
Good luck for the job, fingers crossed! I suffer panic attacks too - so know how horrible they can make you feel. I use homeopathic remedies and Bach to help relieve the feelings x
ReplyDeleteI can relate to this post wholeheartedly. I've dealt with depression for 4 years, and I've dealt a lot with anxiety and panic attacks as well. I have a really hard time dealing with it; some days are just really bad. For TWO years I didn't work or go to school because I was too anxious about being around people and I felt too much pressure to do well, and I didn't think I could do it. So I hid from the world for as long as I could. In August, I finally (somehow) went back to school to take a couple of classes and got a job. I'm so glad I forced myself to do it, because once you're in it, you start to realize how necessary it is, and you realize that you can do it. Worrying about having a panic attack just makes it worse, so don't let yourself think about "what if." Just do it. If you ever want to talk just e-mail me!
ReplyDeletexox Courtney Michele
Breakfast in Wonderland